If the Devil Existed these would be his thoughts..

Grrr
I just had the most horrible mealtime EVER. Firstly; the meal. It was noodle n vegetable soup. I hate most vegetables. Especially cooked, and when they're cut up so small that I can't see where they are. In this case, they were both. And I'm not too fond of soup. I ended up just eating the noodles I could get out of the gunk with my fork. Then, my dad had a go at me for not eating any thing and "acting like a spoilt three-year-old". And my brother was pissing me off 'cause he's all nasal at the moment, and listening to a nasal person eat is trully disgusting, so I shouted at him, then mum shouted back at me and I stormed out. I hate it.

It just reminds me of all those times earlier in the year, when I would lie around in my room crying, and they wouldn't even notice. I hated them for it. Then when I finally told my mum, she got furious with me and chucked me out the car, refusing to take me shopping. At that time I was crying at least once or twice a day, and even when they caught me at it they didn't do anything. That was in May 2008, the month that started three days after my worst ever birthday. It was the worst month of my whole Life. I hated it.

24 hours until I go to the doctors. Don't think I've ever been more scared. Ever

So, last night I had a dream. I dreamt that Lorrie and Megan were both terminally ill with cancer. Then Lorrie died, and I wasn't allowed into the funeral. Then me and Josh went to school, and Megan hadn't turned up, so we decided to go to her house to check she was still alive, and we walked and walked but never got any closer to her house, then Josh wasn't there anymore, and I was walking by myself, but I wasn't walking along a pavement anymore, I was walking in blackness, on something that wasn't there with nothingness all around me.

I woke up crying, and it took me a few moments to realise neither Lorrie or Megan are terminally ill.

At school, no-one knows about the doctors appointment. Everyone was going around their daily life as if there was nothing wrong. Claire kept on talking about some boring dream she had, but it was just about a cake, nothing serious or frightening about it. Then she was talking about other stuff, and I was just like "Do I care?" But I couldn't tell her that. Also, Roxanne was ill, which made it a whole lot easier to act all like everything was OK. Lorrie was not in again as well.

But Megan, Rhys, Anjali & Josh really are amazing. By the end of the day I had almost completely forgotten about the whole mole thing. I think Megan knew something wasn't quite right, occasionally my hand would absent-mindedly go up and cover my mole, and I think she caught me once or twice.

But walking home was a nightmare, we'd just had football in PE, and when I got off the bus, my legs felt like jelly. Like they usually do when you've just got off the sofa after you've been ill. I staggered home, then came straight up to bed. All those thoughts came rushing back to me while I was walking home. I cheered myself up thinking about Jack Bisley in German. That boy is a joker. If I was hot, I would actually marry him, he has the nicest bum in the world. Phwoah.

Anyway, stuff to do. See ya. Bron x [This is 1994 figures, the year I was born]

I'm scared.
Really Scared.
I have a doctors appointment on Thursday to look at this dodgy mole I have. My grandfather died of skin cancer, a dodgy mole is one of the symptoms of skin Cancer.
Lorraine's mum has been diagnosed with heart cancer, and I was looking it up on wikipedia. Then i looked up skin cancer, and it turns out the majority of deaths due to skin cancer are because of Malignant Melanoma, which is the type of skin cancer induced started off in moles. According to wikipedia, it has a mortality rate of 15-20%.
I'm scared out of my soul. I have my whole life ahead of me. I don't want to die. I don't want to have to have chemotherapy. I was talking about growing my hair long again the other day.
Also on wikipedia it said that you should be careful if you have moles made up of various colours. My mole is light around the edge, then dark brown, then almost black in the middle. I should also watch out for elevated moles. My mole juts out above the rest of my skin. And also I should watch out if I have a history of skin cancer in my family. I'm scared.
I look at my mole thinking it may be the death of me. And even if it isn't it might wreck my life. I'm happy. I'm a good person. What did I do to deserve this? I can't tell anyone, but I need to. I need to talk to someone. I can't wait til Thursday. I don't want to think that my life may end early. I want to be a pilot. I want my life. I want to live it out. I don't want to depress my family.
I'm scared.
I'm so scared.